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Ee’d Plebinista’s Alabaster Tuckus

by: William Lindberg

A star-striped rabbit fixed to her barrel a lacy blue umbrella. Homer and Shakespeare sat—marbles
rolling red; legs bloomed into a lotus pose—stoned under a mushrooming cloud with a prickly pink
hedgehog. Trading blow-job and screw-driver stories about the latest White-House scam where Wall Street puffs haggled for an alabaster tuckus—an invention, some queef-jockey in DC ordered, made of yellow cake, dull.

The scene unfolds with a reality star defending her rabbit hole with a dull gravity simulator of the Sam’s Brand bayonet pencil umbrella. Homer feasting on pinkness bent her over an alabaster tuckus, screwed up a hand-job, solidly stoned on an aphrodisiac powder, a serpent from Eden derived from a back alley Amway scam. Source said, “It was planted in the northeast corridor of Farmville along with a blue hedgehog.”

No, they were confused; it was the hot-tub in Frontierville where the pink, not the blue, hedgehog
was deposited threatening a donkey lobbyist with a whip thudding dull. What the fuck were they thinking wasting precious time on this hush-hush monkey scam? Waggling a third finger up to the
sky shaped like an un-sprung umbrella. Did they expect reptilian deities to parachute out flying
saucers stoned to do work, delegated to Ee’d Plebnista, to shit shine an alabaster tuckus?

And this brings us to the Dutch boy, with two fingers shoved up into that alabaster tuckus, playing
‘truth or dare’ with Homer eating doughnuts shaped all prickly pink like a hedgehog, smiling like he discovered the missing link in the brownie recipe—stoned buttering his ring up for the big red butt-plug that was too dull to shove up inside a rabbit hole without the projection of that blue Trojan umbrella. Didn’t he know the gash in the dyke was a scam?

But it is more confusing than this; the idiots elected by Ee’d Plebnista knew about it, the scam. They sold it, dingle berries and all, by clouding the force making pretty their alabaster tuckus’s! The monstrosity written by the alien lizards from the Pleiades was a blazy umbrella it was re-gifted covertly by the director of homeland security to the pink hedgehog but didn’t read the fine print due to wits being dulled from inhaling too long, bong smoke leaders made illegal when stoned.

Homer said, “The past tense of rock cast into a mob is stoned.” Shakespeare didn’t know, till he
scribbled it into the leer, that it was an Uncle Sam scam. He quoth, “I must not have been thinking
because the glass I have been drinking is half-dull. I pulled down my slacks in poli-sci class to
express pleasure for been fed an alabaster tuckus.” The politico answered by diving into a hole
with a prickly pink hedgehog. The rabbit emerged proudly holding fifty stars sewn into the blue
pantaloons of a racy umbrella.

If seeking meaning in this sestina get stoned and gaze aloud at a politicians alabaster tuckus.
Shake it around when you face a scam engineered by a sauced up pink hedgehog. And sing nude the hokey-pokey wits dulled in an electric chair holding a blue umbrella.

*“Ee’d Plebnista” was borrowed from Star Trek Episode 52: “The Omega glory” that means “We the People.”