Bullet in Face
Reykjavik goes down with Asperger’s, as racists eat beluga whale in a palace in Addis Ababa. The new Batman scalps one child prostitute too many at a bunga bunga party off the coast of Libya, as emphysema develops an appetite for city skylines. The Hezbollah robs bodies on the New York subway, between Lexington and Rego Park. Above them in a yellow cab, a Muslim gangbang queen finds herself engaged to a blood disorder. Every weekend, more depressed swimsuit models volunteer to be burned alive inside decommissioned Soviet submarines. I find the codename for my lack of empathy. It rhymes with swagger. Bulimics employ time travel to avoid vomiting, and Joaquin Phoenix fails another audition to continue his own life. He’s made to eat aborted virgin births until his hair falls out. More Norwegian massacres are planned to celebrate NATO’s exit from Afghanistan, while unfluffed cameramen capture God Particles orbiting the rented anus of porn actress Vanessa Blue. A family of heavy carb users supplements its income by manufacturing yogurt drinks from the weep of its cyst, and Google honors the birthday of Joker James Holmes. Rainfall levels in Angola come under the jurisdiction of Sharia law. The light in old people’s homes is always made of sponge. When RedTube finally becomes the official sponsor of the Torah, I will celebrate by pedetrianising the brains of morphine addicts. CPR is the best suppository. But somehow my wife’s implants are infected with bovine TB. I film her meltdown on my phone in a container city the size of Pakistan.